I remember when I left that house, surrounded by people that didn’t love; they were strangers trying to take care of me, but they never achieved it. They believed the only thing I needed was food and nothing else. A woman used to ask me for my life, she loved giving me pieces of advice, but I think we both knew it was useless, completely useless; I already had in mind what I had to do, ever since the first day I got in there. I still keep it, yes, I still keep the photograph, the only photograph I got when I was left there, crying, at the door; I remember the arms grabbing me while sobbing. It was a nightmare and it still is.
I can’t remember the exact year I was abandoned there, but I did see when I had to leave it. I receive the message when I never expect it. A woman knocked the door of my room and took me to the main’s office.
-So, Andrew, are you ready to go out? You’re an adult now; we can’t have you in here anymore.
The tone she said it was terrible, they just wanted to get rid of me, and thank God they did it because I didn’t stand them either. During the entire interview I just nodded, smiled, and didn’t say a word; I just wanted to leave it fast, no matter what.
-So, today you’ll pack your stuff and tomorrow you’ll say goodbye to the house that comforted you during all these years.
I nodded once more.
-But, we have an opportunity for you. Maybe you don’t have where to go when crossing that door; there are tons of houses that need a cleaner, perhaps you won’t like the job that much but it’ll be useful to gather some money.
I looked down at my hand, I had the picture there. And then I looked at her and smiled.
I don’t know how many months I worked there, all I know is that I didn’t spend a year there, but it certainly felt like centuries. The house was bigger than I thought and it was a numerous and very rich family. The living room, the bedrooms, and the kitchen were enormous, I spent the entire day cleaning and my back was destroyed. The first day was dreadful, but I got used to it quickly. When nobody saw me, I used to look at the picture in my hand, even though I had no knowledge about it, I knew this person in the photograph was the one who abandoned me, this woman smiling betrayed me and she would pay for everything she did, for ruining my life.
-Hey! What do you have in there? –Said Mr. Peterson. He was the owner and a father there.
-I… I just, I think it’s my mother –I said, trembling.
-Oh, let me see –I handed him the picture, and he said she was beautiful-. She abandoned you there… ?
-Yes, I guess so, it’s all I know –my feeling of revenge was pure that was all I got to say then.
-Are you sure? Because I think I know her, or her husband, I know I’ve got some information. For what I see in your eyes, perhaps you might hate her, but… Let’s be honest, we know nothing about it. I’ll do something for you, kid, I’ll look for some information, because I think I know how to do so, and then I’ll let you know everything, ok?
-How will you do that?
-Well… I worked in a building where they keep a record of many citizens in this city, maybe she’ll be there. I’ll have to take a look. Well, I need to go, talk to you later, bye!
I didn’t reply, I just saw him leaving the kitchen, and I certainly didn’t smile but the fact I was getting close, I was about to achieve the only goal I had when leaving the foster home, I got excited. During the rest of the days, I wasn’t as tired as the first day but I really got distracted with my plans. The feeling of revenge and the will to know the truth consumed me during the entire night. There were nights I didn’t even sleep, trying to formulate the words I will say in case I saw this woman again, who might be my mother or not. At that point, I didn’t care if she was that, I just wanted to know the truth and make her feel what I felt after spending so many years abandoned with unknown people.
This feeling was disappearing, as well as Mr. Peterson who never came back after our interview. I felt kind of pathetic, I was just a lunatic with plans that nobody else knew. And then, the family organized a party because of one of the kid’s birthday. This surprised me and at the same time would make me relax about the anxiety that was consuming me. I had to work and prepare food during the party, so I tried to stay focused during the entire day. When I woke up and heard the music I felt a little bit joyful; I thought it might be a different day this time.
I went to the kitchen and started working. I received the instructions and I absorbed myself there. But something change, I know at heart that it was going to be impossible to leave this feeling behind, to leave my plans behind, not even for a day. At a distance I saw someone, with long black hair, and long skirt, someone who looked just like the woman in the picture that I always kept with me. I couldn’t believe it was her, and she was smiling, as though she didn’t do anything wrong with me.
I started walking towards her, I didn’t see anything else while looking at her, anger consumed me and I tried to grabbed everything I had around me, the sharpened things didn’t hurt me; I was already hurt then. When I got closer, I stabbed her back and she felt it, she felt the palm of my hand and a knife slowly getting inside of her, with her eyes wide opened, looking at her son. But, in that moment, Mr. Peterson appeared.
Everyone screamed and ran away from home, I have caused something terrible, I did the worse thing possible. After certain minutes and I felt the handcuffs and before I could notice it I was before jail. Two hours after that I discovered the truth because Mr. Peterson went to see me and the words he said made me realized that I was trapped forever.
-Andrew… It wasn’t her… It wasn’t your mother.
I tear ran down my face, but it was already too late.